wagon trains, ho!

what is it about an unexpected bus detour that just disturbs a person right down to the core? when i got on the bus this morning, the british woman preceding me in the queue informed the driver of an upcoming detour a block over (apparently unplanned, as the driver had no idea). we would have to go around. i guess the stess and pressure got to me, because my mind launched into a fantasy sequence of epic proportions. all i needed was kevin cosner and a tumbleweed.

at the imperious mandate of the queenly figure, we barreled off into uncharted territory. our guide uncertain, the pioneers disgruntled, we made out for parts unknown. instead of turning left, WE WENT STRAIGHT! oh dear god. the customs in this new land were so incongruous with our own. we stopped to deposit a settler and his tools on Bay street...but there was no bus stop sign. it was a drop-off on a corner with no sign! i needed my smelling salts.

we carried on, so slowly. the great Bay was nearly impassable with its terrible, unchecked flow (...of traffic). i settled in for the long haul, making note of strange new creatures and races to hand down to posterity. the pigeons were white, my friend. but, we forded and carried on.

another turn...would our trials and travails ever end? the settlers were weak, fatigue was setting in. and now we faced terrible drought - the dust storms were blinding and deadly. then our frail wagon lost a wheel in the great gulfs pockmarking our backcountry path. (okay, fine, we didn't actually lose a wheel, but we did run over a piece of spare tire...)

somewhere on caroline, the natives got restless. i was expecting a war cry and a bout of typhus any moment. just before my mind snapped, we regained familiar lands. we stopped to pick up refugees from the Great Detour who had observed our labouring progress. once back in the strict confines of that arbitrary, invisible string connecting all the stops on a route, i returned to rational thought. but i'll never forget my short time as a fearless trailblazer.

move over catherine parr trail - i went two extra blocks down duke street.