serena and the search for the stray sock
too much alliteration? i wasn't sure.
okay, so, it was laundry night, and i forced myself about my business as i always do...so, lazily. when i finally hauled all the clothes back upstairs, folded, hung, sorted and stacked, i noticed...an aberation. see, this never happens - since moving out, i have never lost a sock. i mean, sure, my MOM'S dryer eats socks, but i thought i was finally safe. apartment dryers have finer things to munch - like, lingerie and suspenders, rugs and loofas. really, why would they want MY socks?
anyway, i donned my sleuthing cap. wait, is it 'donned' or 'doffed'? and can you do it to a cap?
*one quick dictionary perusal later*
okay, so i DONNED my cap, and looked for a watson to my holmes. kai was asleep, so i was accompanied by my trusty fugly mug. by the way, how come nobody is named sherlock anymore? are parents too overawed by the heritage of the name? too hubristic? well, i guess you don't see too many kids named jesus either, do you?
fugly mug in hand, i decided to retrace my steps. (haha, i retraced my steps looking for a missing footie! that's awesome! okay, fine, don't laugh. i don't even care.) i patted down sleeves, i felt up pantlegs, i rooted through the underwear drawer and shook out the pillow cases. no footie. i checked the elevators. yes, both of them. i finally went back to the laundry room. i checked the washers, i checked the dryer, i searched the floor and scanned the shelves. no footie. all i found were some bodice rippers, with scintillating titles like 'ravished' and 'warprize', and some lint. i pocketed the lint for later and moved on.
i returned to the apartment, did another sweep, but to no avail. then i looked up 'avail'. yes, that is the proper context.
this is not over. not while i still breathe. footie, i WILL find you.
*strains of agonized violins*
posted by dizzyweasel @ 7:42 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
"It took me five long sole searching years, my pretty, but I have finally tracked you down! You wouldn't believe the unmentionables I have wallowed through in my relentless(you saved the lint huh?)search for your "footies". *maniacal laughter*
The secret is never buy a "pair" of socks. If you buy one sock it will never go missing but if it did would you miss it?
Don't give up on me. Leave no foot unturned.I'm here...you saved the lint?
of course i saved the lint. it could be evidence...or a warning! i'm getting too close!
oh alright, time to fes up. i did take that sock, it's all part of my elaborate and diabolical plan to drive you insane. The sock I've hidden deep inside the dark recesses of my room. If you want it, you'll have to reclaim it yourself. This of course involves you embarking on a dark journey into my room. You can leave no stone, er book, unturned, and no shelf uninvestigated. You will encounter many monsters, er knick-knacks, everytime you slay one, another will appear - it is as if they are in endless supply. Perhaps at the end if the toxins, er Hamilton dust, don't do you in, you'll find your sock - cowering in a dark grove, er corner, quivering, terrified, and alone. If you're lucky it'll still be alive - although I must warn you.....
I haven't cleaned in a while.
mmmm....footie residue.
Call off the search..I'm not missing. I never felt right(sometimes left)being a footie.I knew in my sole this wasn't the real me,walking around aimlessly always in the dark.Sure having summers off was nice but something was missing. Then winter came and I met mitten and that's when it hit me(not the mitten).I was living a lie.I was a mitten in the body of a footie!Dazed I ran(still a footie)to the only place I knew you wouldn't look...*drumroll*...the circus!!! Clowns Serena...lots and lots of clowns!!!!
dammit, seriously, i want my footie back! it's been two weeks and still no sign of footie. i'm getting upset...
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